tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48028109634420495812024-02-18T19:13:51.159-08:00Memoirs of a Derby HusbandA newbie derby husband of a Marietta Derby Darlins skater shares his pitfalls and successes while navigating the unfamiliar world of roller derby.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13936661854248002304noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4802810963442049581.post-12929002087439498252012-02-27T13:38:00.000-08:002012-02-28T12:50:05.568-08:00The Politics of Passion<br />
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In roller derby, there is an abundance of passion to go
around, both on the track and off. Skaters
are passionate about their performance, their events, their hardware, and their
sisterhood. With these passions come
strong emotions. Being a derby husband
in training, the trick is to learn which emotions are the result of which
passions, and how best to deal with them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The XY chromosome that defines me compels me to, no scratch
that… REQUIRES me to solve problems, even when they are not mine to solve. That’s just the way we are wired - When faced
with an issue, provide a solution. It’s
that simple.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So when the politics of derby enter household discourse, I
am full of solutions; few of which are welcome of course. It’s easy just to tell myself to step back
and listen rather than open my mouth, but stopping the synapses from triggering
my vocal chords is not as easily done. I have decided that I need not be involved at
that level, and do my best to steer the conversation elsewhere when said
subject matter arises.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The plight of a derby husband is to be once again a bachelor
of sorts. Our household chores increase. Our dinners become solo events. And our DVRs fill up for lack of the four
eyeballs necessary to approve a deletion from the hard drive. Finding a way to be involved in derby, while
not spewing our opinion, is necessary for the relationships between we derby
husbands and our absentee wives/girlfriends to survive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The involvement/solution catch 22 has caused me to rethink
my approach. Rather than step onto the
landmine of derby conversation in the house, I’ve rekindled my interest in old
hobbies, namely photography and web development, both of which have allowed me
to stay attached to my derby girl’s derby life.
In doing so, it’s sparked some passions that have hid dormant in me for
some time. In short, her derby life has
added value to mine, and I am the better for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Following one of my awoken passions, I watched my love’s
last bout solely through the lens of my camera, capturing glimpses of
individual passions that had long faded from the track. With the bout on the line, and with :20 to
go, my girl was called upon to toe the line one last time against the one-woman
wrecking machine who scored most of the opposing team’s points bringing them
back from a 50 point deficit to a mere 6 points. As the last jam unfolded through my lens, I
began to witness the emotions escaping from these very passionate women. Some were of elation, some were of fear. I found myself dropping my camera to my side to
watch my bride as she struggled to keep up.
For the first time, I cheered out loud, louder than I ever have. I wanted her to know I was there supporting
her, supporting her passions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When it was all over, I met up with my angelic one, her eyes
swelling, trying to hold back the tears for having not scored enough points to
hold off the comeback. I saw her
passions for her team in those teary eyes, for she felt she had let them down. I had no solution to give. Rather I had understanding, and a kiss.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yep, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my relationships, and
MY passions while watching my girl follow hers.
And though I’ve learned how best to deal with the politics of derby, the
occasional taboo topic sometimes makes its unwelcome way into our conversation,
in clear violation of our agreement to prohibit derby talk during conjugal
visits. When this happens, my advice is simple… RUN!<o:p></o:p><br />
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<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13936661854248002304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4802810963442049581.post-23743530470444757102012-02-01T07:11:00.000-08:002012-02-10T08:16:38.877-08:00The Awakening<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was lazy evening about a year and a half ago when my wife
and I decided to watch the film “Whip It”, particularly because my
wife is a big fan of Drew Barrymore. Throughout
the movie, I could see that my wife was thoroughly entertained, but there was
something else lurking behind her visage.
Little did I realize that watching that movie would change our lives
forever.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the days that followed I did a little research and mentioned to her that <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Atlanta</st1:place></st1:city> had its own
roller derby league. She was surprised
and excited, so we made plans to attend their next bout. Being the newbies that
we were, we decided to simply drive down to the venue to purchase tickets at
the door. When we arrived, it was a
party scene with vendors, a band, and a bevy of open containers. At the ticket counter, we learned that <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Atlanta</st1:place></st1:city> bouts sell out several days in
advance, and it wasn’t likely that we’d be seeing them skate that night. As it turned out, the derby goddesses were smiling down upon us
for two people were
trying to unload their tickets just as we were denied admission. Our timing was impeccable.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The event itself was memorable.
The game actually moved slower than I had expected. Having grown up in the ‘70s, I was exposed to
vintage roller derby with banked tracks and brawling babes. This however was something much different. It was more serious, and more strategic. And while at first I was disappointed at the
lack of spectacle, I began to appreciate it for what it was… a sport.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After the bout, my bride talked incessantly about derby, and
how she’d like to look into joining such a league. The next several months involved open skate
invitations, training sessions, try-outs, rejection, skate purchases,
rejuvenation, bearing purchases, more try-outs, wheel purchases, eventually culminating in her attaining fresh
meat status for the <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Atlanta</st1:place></st1:city>
league. It was a whirlwind of emotions that had flung our lives around for nearly a year before she finally reached this
point. But the success was short-lived. After a setback due to injury,
she failed to pass her assessments, and once again she was sent to the back
of the line.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While on this rollercoaster, she had met some women from
another league interested in starting a new league in <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Marietta</st1:place></st1:city>.
Their attempts to enlist my queen sparked new fire in her for this sport
which she yearned to play. It was then
that I began to see a transformation in her.
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She’s always been confident and straight-speaking; two traits which I admire most
about her. So this transformation didn’t
necessarily build confidence in her, but rather, it gave her purpose. She had finally found something which she was
deeply passionate about, (besides me of course).</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With this new motivation, we essentially switched roller
coasters mid-ride. And this track took
many unexpected turns involving a new learning curve; one involving business. Starting a league from scratch was daunting,
yet she embraced it whole-heartedly. As
I watched, I saw that this new effort highlighted her strengths as a natural
leader and motivator, recruiting and supporting other women like her who just
wanted to play roller derby. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Amidst the noise surrounding this new venture, her
skating and derby skills quietly began to improve. I can recall the day when she came home from
practice to tell me that she finally (and suddenly) figured out how to do the plow
stop. That devil was finally beaten. There was nothing she couldn’t achieve.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s been a year and a half and I recently trekked about 90
minutes to see my wife bout for the first time at a scrimmage with <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Scenic</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">City</st1:placetype></st1:place>. It was a laid-back event, but was treated as
a genuine bout, replete with admission, fans, refs, and concessions. I didn’t know what to expect but used it as
an opportunity to take some action photos.
I watched as the love of my life, Vexing Violet, found her footing and
blocked during her first jam. I could
tell that the track was a little slick for her but she persevered. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The bout began slowly, and her team struggled
to score points. About 10 or so jams
into the first half, she was called upon to play the role of jammer. Again, not knowing what to expect, I watched her
blaze her way through the pack, taking lead jammer status and scoring the
team’s first substantial points. To my
novice eyes, she was a natural, but more important, I was witnessing a side to her
which I had never seen before. For the
first time, I viewed her as an athlete. I
was excited for her, but also for me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having endured what it has taken for her to get to this
point, I now better understand the allure of roller derby. It’s not solely about the opportunity to
display a bad-ass persona, or about the sisterhood of derby, or even about the
punny names they choose for their alter egos.
More significantly, it’s about becoming someone who you’ve always wanted to
be, and the journey to make that your reality.
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So be it Lipstick Thespian, Lucy in Disguise, Purple Hazel,
or her final settled-upon moniker of Vexing Violet, my wife has become the
person that’s always been lurking beneath her surface, waiting to show the world
what she can do. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And so begins our derby life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13936661854248002304noreply@blogger.com0Atlanta, GA, USA33.7489954 -84.387982433.6433744 -84.5459109 33.8546164 -84.2300539